lotus

“We now have to learn to invite the silence, and having invited it we now have to learn to enter it.”

- Robert Sarello

I have been noticing lately at how hard it is to hold a good, steady focus and how ‘busy’ things always seem to be.  I have understood this as a response to the creative impulse of my soul.  As I have truly followed my passion and trusted that what was calling me to create that which gives me the greatest joy, I have found many challenges as well as inspiring moments along this path of building my own SOUL.

It’s one thing to create your passion and unblock what may be holding you back from receiving ABUNDANCE on all levels.  I have spent years clearing my past emotional history, to change my patterns and re-organize and re-frame how I view reality and my expectations.  I have learned how to let go of the past and to manage and hold a clearer intention of what I want in the future. To imagine what before seemed the impossible and to dream bigger than I could even imagine.  I have learned how to listen to those minute wobbles of non-clarity within myself and to do what may need to be done to change myself, attune myself differently to get what I think I might want (sometimes you learn it’s not really want you want, so I’m much more careful when I do wish for something!) .  And then it’s quite another thing to be in the FLOW and to manage the SURGES of how my spiritual, sexual, creative impulse goes out into the world and then actually experience the world responding back to me with an even bigger YES!

Then there is so much to do that I often find myself running around, driving too fast on errands, letting papers pile up on my desk, trying to manage all the parts of what I’ve started, but feeling like I can never really catch up!  I’m learning how to delegate more now and to trust the flow and let things be a little messier or uneven.   I’m noticing how my breathing goes higher up in my chest and how my stomach goes tight in anxiety to keep it all together.  My work can be so, so, busy, full, demanding and overwhelming at times.  I feel this constant pressure and feel like I am always rushing from one thing to the next.  In the evenings I just can’t think and when I don’t take down time to do absolutely nothing on the weekends to balance it, I feel it during the week.

I find that when I can relax into this and let go a bit, trusting my intuition more, magic & synchronicity starts to happen.  A kind of effortless lightness begins to be cultivated and things begin to get accomplished quicker in unusual ways that my chronological, left brain never considered as a possibility before.

What I’ve learned is that whenever I feel this ‘rush’ kind of feeling, I have to slow down, get more grounded and centered and then should triple check the minute details of what I’m doing.  I find when I’m in the ‘rushing’ space, details get lost and I make mistakes.  I used to do that when I wrote tests as I child.  I could write them fast, but I often didn’t double check the test and made silly mistakes only because of my speed.  The thing is that when you are in it, it usually is hard to know that you are not grounded as you normally are.  It’s more in retrospect that you find this out, after you’ve made an error or crossed a line and felt afterwards that something doesn’t feel right.

I’ve also heard from a number of other sources that it is continuously harder for us to feel grounded or centred on a daily basis due to the fact that the earth’s electromagnetic fields are weakening because of EMF (Electromagnetic frequency) toxicity and I am aware too that the North/South pole is slowly also shifting on it’s axis, which affects our equilibrium.

And I’ve also heard that TIME is doing weird things and actually speeding up - we don’t see that on the clock or how time is recorded, but the feeling is there and has also been commented on by various friends to me. It feels like time is compressed and events appear to rush by, the day goes faster and faster.  To stop and just breathe, taking in someone’s kind comment, eye contact for a minute or noticing a beautiful thing outside in nature, all helps to slow it all down.

All of this means that we have to constantly ‘recalibrate’ ourselves daily and do things to slow us down more and more to be able to catch those details and also be gentle on ourselves when we make mistakes (my reminder as I am still hard on myself for doing that).

I find myself craving downtime to balance the business of the majority of my days.  I often will watch a movie, to help shut off the thinking of my huge to do list.  But what I’m actually really craving is to touch into the space of SILENCE.  Everything else is a temporary band aid solution that only comforts for a bit, manages me temporarily.  Finding the time and focus to drop into SILENCE is what will be able to hold me in such a way that nothing else will satisfy.

Just like we build spaces and buildings around us to shelter, protect our physical bodies, we can also cultivate inner spaces that can nourish us, inspire us, re-charge us.  It takes attention, self-reflection, spiritual warrier work to be able to sit still and hear your fears, face your aloneness (or all-one-ness), learn how to slow it all down and come back to the centre, the hub rather than running around like a goose with it’s head cut off, running around the periphery of the wheel, of yourself.  This hanging out on the periphery of who you truly are in your SOUL, keeps your energy on the edge, loosing bits, scattering yourself in a kind of constant, high anxiety,  panic.

Hub and spokes wheel

My gentle suggestion for all of you is to find out what you need to do to come back to your centre and to learn how to cultivate your inner silence and then practice, nourish, grow it as much as you can.  It is a practice and I’m still only a beginner…….I hear my SOUL calling me deeper into my interior……gtg…

“Drawing attention to the heart focuses the mystery we are entering. As both physical organ and spiritual-imaginative center, it is the only true organ for perceiving Silence. Once activated in the heart, Silence spreads throughout the body, and we feel as if our entire physiology alters. Instead of perceiving things held apart from other things in sharp and heavy outline, as is usual, we enter into a feeling-perception of the interior space around us that gives birth to all things. Artists have an intuition of this kind of interior in working with negative space. But the space of Silence is something more than that because it is not merely the void from which things spring up; it is a living presence. The deeper we enter into Silence the more we become aware that this living presence is primary and the contents of our perceiving are the secondary bursting forth of this original presence. For a moment we are dizzied beyond belief. If only we had the courage to ward off the dizziness and stay in its presence, who knows where we would be taken. Instead, we recover our usual sensing and, at most, feel the continued resonance of the Silence.”

Robert Sardello

Inner Silence

Horse Island Lake, Dorset, Ontario

You may have noticed a picture of a canoe at the top header of this Blog.  I choose an image of a canoe as the canoe has not only been a significant vehicle that has helped me to find my own soul, but it is also a uniquely beautiful form of construction that has so much elegance, efficiency & intuitive geometry inherent in it.

A canoe trip builds SOUL.

Initially in my journey to find myself, who I am, why I exist, I went up north to Algonquin Park, or the Frost Centre area (Haliburton, Dorset, Minden) and did many solo trips.  I consciously did this to meet my great fear of being ALONE.

On my very first trip, I was so bold, naive and rash that I didn’t even know how to carry the canoe all by myself.  I found myself at the first portage and lifted the canoe at one end, jimmied up to the middle underneath it, put it on top of my head, turned around until I was facing out and then lifted it up onto my shoulders.  Then I started walking on the portage.  Except that I forgot to check the map and somehow there was a fork in the road - AND I TOOK THE WRONG FORK!

After walking for half a mile, I thought I should have been at the end by then, I put down the canoe and checked the map.  I realized my mistake and turned around, but at this point, I was so tired that I could hardly keep it on my shoulders.  I then realized that the weight of the canoe was truly making me feel my body, my legs and the minute movements of my hips rotating in my sockets.  I was feeling very ‘grounded’ for the first time in my life, but there was only so far, a limit to what my body could actually do.  I eventually started dragging the damn thing behind me, not carrying if it got scratched to death.  The objective idea of my ‘romance’ of going on a ’spiritual warrior’ adventure to meet myself in the middle of nowhere was beginning to wear thin.  I finally arrived at the end of the portage and discovered that there were very, very strong winds coming across the lake.  After about 5 min. of trying to steer my solo canoe I realized that if I sat in the very front I could have some control - but it still was soooo hard to really get anywhere against the wind.  I ended up turning around and found a campsite on an island right across from the portage.  It was a bit of a quieter bay here and so I settled in.

That night I woke up to an incredible ruckus.  An animal was trying to get into my olive barrels of food that I had stuffed under my canoe which was on a very steeply sloped rock.  I was truly terrified.  I finally peeked out of my tent and discovered - it was only a raccoon!  Phew!  I got my flashlight and jumped out yelling to scare him away.  I protected my stash.  But the rest of the night I slept fitfully, always wondering if the ‘coon would come back.  I had been too tired to hang the food up that night and just thought it might be ok under the weight of the canoe.

Over the next couple of days, I realized that my campsite was situated on a portage/canoe route highway into the deeper routes of Algonquin Park.  I never really was alone much.  In fact some people actually came onto ‘my campsite’ to sit out of the intense wind of the lake and I asked them to leave - so that I could be alone!

Since them, I have done many, many other solo trips and learned so many things about myself.  I will share more of those stories & lessons over time.  This was my ‘initiation’ trip.  I learned about the limitations of my body and that it is OK to stop where you are, regroup and do what you can with what you have.  I also learned - I really am never alone.

Wood Canoe Construction

Madoc Performing Arts Centre, August 2008

soma earth ARCHITECT 2008
Madoc Performing Arts Centre
Lowest Embodied Energy - Natural, Straw Bale Building
Madoc, Ontario

The students at Flemming College Sustainable Design Program finally finished their 5 month course building the Madoc Performing Arts Centre with an internal opening ceremony on Aug 21, 2008.  Considered as one of the most sustainable buildings in Canada, it is built with the principles of the lowest embodied energy as much as possible.  It considers aspects that not even a platinum LEEDS building rates yet.  Only the lowest-impact and longest-lasting materials have been chosen to build this structure. From the compacted stone of the rubble trench foundation, to the hempcrete grade beams, up through the load-bearing round straw bale columns, to the hempbale & earthen plaster walls, the living green roof over the front porch and  galvanized metal roofing on the rest of the building, this project represents the best available choices for building materials in our northern climate.

Earth Plaster over Strawbale wall

The hempcrete grade beams are being used for the first time ever on this building. Hempcrete is a mixture of chopped hemp, hydrated lime and a small amount of either portland cement or quick-set gysum. A reaction between the lime and the hemp results in a very lightweight material that still has reasonable compressive strength. The advantage of hempcrete over regular cement is that the hempcrete is both structural and insulative, so both ends are achieved in the same pour. It is also lower in embodied energy. The disadvantages are a longer set time (2-4 weeks) and lower strengths. However, where the high ultimate strength of concrete is not necessary, this option works well.

Chordwood wall

The building is based on upon eight load-bearing columns made of large, round, hemp-straw bales. These 4×4 foot round bales are very tightly compacted when they are made, and stacked three high they make for very stable and strong columns. The straight walls sections between the round bales are infilled with regular, rectangular hemp-straw bales. Clay plastered straw bale walls are one of the most environmentally friendly building systems available. The combination of locally-grown, minimally-processed straw and locally harvested clay means that the embodied energy in the wall system is only a tiny fraction of any other wall system. Combined with excellent thermal performance over the lifetime of the building, this system saves energy in every possible way, and is comparable in time and cost to any conventional building system.

Local round wood column raising

We have used three different insulation types for the three 2 x 6 double frame wood stud wings; One wing is infilled with hempcrete, which is a site mixed combination of ground hemp, water and hydrated lime. Another is infilled with light clay/straw. For this material, we blend chopped hemp straw with a small amount of clay slip (a runny mixture of clay and water). The third wall is insulated with cotton batt insulation. These batts are similar to fiberglass or Roxul batts, but are made from non-toxic, recycled denim fabric.

Front Entrance

The building uses available technologies to drastically reduce its resource consumption and waste production; from the geo-thermal heating and cooling system that allows the building to maintain a comfortable temperature year round without relying on fossil fuels, to the PV panels that provide its electrical power, to the solar ventilation system that provides the building with pre-warmed fresh air, to the rainwater collection system that provides flushing water for the toilets.

Rubber tire wood column foundation trenching

Built by the students of Flemming College Sustainable Design Program, the building was well received by the Township of Madoc, Ontario. A decorative element that included participation with the local children, they were invited to make handprints on the front exterior wall, simulating the leaves of a tree.  The students finished off the building with some beautiful final touches; a chordwood wall, an earth brick floor & countertop, hand carved wood trim, rope trim edges, rough hewn pineboard decorative features, timber framed beams with hand carved joints, local roundwood columns sanded & bleached, etc.  My good friend, Henry Wiersma, supplied the compressed earth adobe bricks that were used as flooring in one area as well as a decorative wainscoting feature inside.

Exterior decorations

At the official opening of the building in January 2009, Chris Magwood, the teacher of the Flemming College design program who created this project, will be receiving a 2008 Excellence in Education Award from the Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation (CMHC).

Interior - Strawbale Columns with first layer earth plaster

Earth Organic Farms Landscape

With an extraordinarily busy summer, lots of canoe trips & so much wonderful work, I haven’t had a chance to catch my breath and post into our new BLOG.

We are currently working on an exciting large project in our office; Earth Organic Farms is a 65 acre Organic Permaculture Farm & Sustainable Learning Centre, located in Cannington, Ontario, 1.25 hours north east of Toronto. Similar in principles to Everdale Organic Farm, it will be built all out of natural building materials such as strawbale, wood, earth, etc.  with renewable alternative energy systems (solar, wind, geothermal, etc.).  We are very excited to also include unique sacred geometry design features as well as a high emphasis on non-toxic, healthy materials and building systems.  We expect construction to start in the spring of 2009 and are looking for natural builders & sub-trades who would be interested in working with us to create this magical project.

RD Lawrence museum

There are 4 waves or aspects that I feel encompasses the exciting & pioneering field of green sustainable building. The first wave is where most people are aware of sustainable design as an aspect of saving energy. The second wave is where more people understand that there is also an aspect of how design can include healthy, non-toxic use of materials and air systems. The third wave includes an awareness of invisible EMF and electrical toxicity and how to design for this. The fourth wave and in some ways a much less known aspect, is how to design buildings to work with invisible environmental energies and how to enhance the vibrational frequencies in a pro-active & protective manner.

The First Wave – Green, Sustainable Building as Saving Energy.

The first issue in green, sustainable, building is one of saving energy, which is also partly about saving money. This is often termed as Life Cycle Costing - considering the energy, water, money, and other resources that will be consumed during the entire life of the project. There is ALWAYS a trade-off between initial cost and long term cost. Can you push the trade-off in a more sustainable long-term direction? This can be done through increasing insulating methods, Building Envelope technology, and/or adding independent, off-grid, alternative energy systems (solar, wind, geothermal – the main ‘green’ buzz words these days). The added up-front cost of building this way is often paid off in a 5 or 10 year operating cost plan. And, it simply is just better for the earth to build this way.

Secondly there is the issue of Embedded Energy Budgeting - Energy cost has become a much larger factor in the manufacture of construction materials. How much energy was used up to produce this material or to transport the material to the building site vs. the long-term energy use for each aspect of the building? Those are not necessarily always individual up-front, costs, but our individual choices can ethically help or hinder the overall consumption and deterioration of our planet. So our choices can include a larger, collective, perspective that becomes an issue about the greater good for all, or for several generations at the very least.

Another aspect would be to be aware of the materials and energy entering the proposed structure with those leaving. We know that, in the long term, what comes in must equal what goes out… Food comes in, human waste and garbage go out, etc. What waste products are there? Is there some way that useful work or material or money could be extracted for the benefit of the occupants or the owners and can you minimize landfill dumping?

Stay tuned for the next 3 waves………

Building with SOUL RD Lawrence Museum, Mindon, Ontario

Hello Everyone!

Welcome to my long awaited blog-zine building soul. After spending months researching and fine tuning, I’ve finally got it started.  I am hoping, though, that many of you will be inspired by what I write and want to write back, or point me in a particular direction, helping me follow my nose, to discover together what building SOUL is all about.  I’m pretty excited about it all.

The range & depth of subjects are incredibly interesting.  From building to art, from small unique spaces to large eco-village communities, from nature to cities, from relationship to individual autonomy – there are many aspects of what makes up a SOUL to discover – and how this relates to the spaces around us, informing us, affecting us, creating us. There will be interviews, reports, book/video recommendations as well as my own personal comments & interest of the moment.

Please join me on this journey and together we will forge a greater understanding of who we are and our place in this world through building soul.